Creativity is Dangerous. Creativity is dangerous to the ego, like revealing your stomach in a bikini, like falling in love with a bad boy.
I took my first painting class and it was with our local art gallery owner, Bill Teeple. A group of us went for a friend’s birthday at her request. I was out of my comfort zone, but like Shonda Rhimes in her book, My Year of Yes, I wanted to say yes to the uncomfortable, and honor my friend’s fun request. Well she thought it would be fun, but she had taken 5 years of lessons. I found my thoughts in the days after she asked me to do this somewhat irritable and resentful. Irritable because she kept saying, “Be like a child, in kindergarten, don’t tighten up, play!”
I thought, “Easy for you to say because you have skill and technique. I will look like a 5 year old! I’ll wait until the morning and call in sick.” I’d never done that before—pretended to be sick. Stomach churning, mind going numb. Especially when she asked if I wanted to use oils or acrylics and what did I want to paint. Are you f—— kidding me?! Can I use crayons and bring a coloring book? I don’t even know what the difference is. Watercolors were not an option I guess. I remember having a set of watercolors with maybe 7 colors and a skinny brush for grade school art 55 years ago. I’m sure the nuns told me I wasn’t a good artist.
I found something dear to my heart to paint–a photo I took of Manarola, one of the Cinque Terre villages I visit during my Italy Retreats For Women. It was not the easiest image to paint, but I love that little fishing village, so at least that was a positive amidst all of the negative feelings that were running through my head and fingers. Bill was like a butterfly flitting to each of us seven women with paintbrushes, and blobs of multi-colored oils. I asked for help often and oh how he mixed all the colors dabbing into the yellow, then the gold, and brown, just the right color for those gorgeous houses falling into the sea. I remained calm on the outside, holding in the tears. Produce. Create. It was painful like childbirth, and wow many years ago after that 30 hours of labor I produced two little human beings. Now that is a creative act. I love to create stories with words, and flowers and vegetables from seeds, and beauty around my house, but the damn paint brush was like a sword turned on myself.
“First use the pencil and outline the outer shapes of the horizon, the cliff sides and the rooftops,” Bill advises. Whoa, I had never noticed the bigger shapes. Okay got it. “Now mix some blues, turquoise and whites for the sky.” Oh this creativity is so dangerous. Dangerous to the ego. “Paint colorful rectangles and squares for the houses. Top of canvas first.” My canvas was only 5×7 inches – tiny. Panic, then breathe deeply. I fell into the photo, and noticed so much more than I ever did before, even during my eight visits to the Cinque Terre, the actual location of my painting.
I saw more, felt more. I saw the restaurant where we have sunset dinners. A tree here and there jutting out from the high cliff sides where the houses tumble over each other vying for most colorful.
Bill helps mix the blues. How do you match the turquoise of the Mediterranean sea. I make a mess on the white sheets of paper provided for mixing my oil paints. Bill draws a few lines on the houses to get me going. Then we mix grays for all the slate cliffs and boulders, then the line delineated for the horizon. The crowning jewel were the spots of ‘just the right shade of gray black’ for windows. Then the town came alive, like windows into the soul of the village. And I saw where I could draw a line or two for rooftops.
Embarrassment was replaced with hope. Maybe my friend was right, after all. I took a photo of where I started with the blobs of paint that looked like a 5 year old. And then when complete my final painting alongside the photo. Bill said he’s been teaching in at an assisted living facility, so he knew how our group would be. Oh dear!
My first creation – No longer dangerous instead a 3-hour moment of saying YES!
What can you say yes to? Where can you create?
The finished product. It’s a beginning.
Learn more about traveling to Italy on Lenora’s Italy Retreats For Women
Find out more about Lenora’s Sweet Life Workshops and Sweet Life Happiness Coaching.
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Thanks for sharing this great turn around choice, loved it, now maybe I’ll get to Bill’s class… Been putting it off for the same reasons for years
Deborah,
That’s a good way to see it–a turn around choice! I encourage you to take Bill’s art classes. You’ll learn a ton. Thanks for commenting.
Bravo Lenora! Very brave and really charming😊
Elinor,
Thanks for your kind comments!
Hurray! It’s Really Hard to paint little as well… so big congrats! Now, perhaps you can get yourself a great frame & enjoy! xo Cathy
Thanks Cathy, I will frame it and smile each time I look at it in my office as I plan my Italy Retreats for Women.
You are so courageous!! And what a delightful result!
Nancy, It was fun (sometimes) way to be courageous.
It’s funny the things that get to us! Recently my cousin was doing a sort of makeover with me, and my feelings of insecurity and self doubt, didnt surface until the next day. I had a little talk with myself, and later with a friend, and was back to feeling good about myself and my cousin! PS I like your picture!
Debra,
Oh the silly things we do to ourselves! Glad you’re back to feeling good about your wonderful self.
Appreciate your appreciation of my picture (and my process).
I’m INSPIRED ❤️ ❣
Pamela,
So glad I inspired you. Are you going to do some art classes?!
i am smiling. what a fun journey to share and the result. i love that little town too, etched on my brain from the visit and the mediterranian sea! it’s all there. i hope you will frame it.
thanks for sharing.
Rae, I will definitely frame it! It’s a wonderful memory of Cinque Terre, where I gratefully take my tour group every September.
Lenora,
That painting is full of the emotional truth of the Cinqueterra. Yes, creativity is dangerous because once you begin, you will never want to stop.
I am so happy that you took the leap.
Bill is the most supportive art teacher in the universe and he brings out the best in his students.
Jacqueline
Jacqueline, Thanks for your comments. Here’s to living a creative life everyday!
I am having art lessons now too! Restarted them recently and enjoying it no end. Your story made me think of a recent assignment I had: make an _ugly_ picture. And I did. ANd discovered the freedom and humor and courage in that.
Karen
Karen,
So glad to hear you’re doing art classes, and I love the assignment to make an ugly picture! Thanks for your comments.
As with this wonderful writing piece (feel privileged to have been there at its birth), you continually inspire all who are fortunate enough to know and love you, with your commitment to living la dolce vita! I have yet to be fortunate enough to have gone on one of your magical tours to Italy, but I have joined you on many a journey right here in Fairfield. And I’m the better for it.
Baci e abbracci,
Toni
Toni,
Thanks for being an important part of my writing adventures. Glad you are taking part in my 25 year anniversary giveaway too.
Let’s journey together in whatever way we can! Buon viaggio!
Lenora
I also use to paint for years with Bill Terple. This is such a cool idea of a birthday party. The gift of creativity even if it is a bit of a stretch beyond one’s comfort zone is life changing for sure.
I totally LOVE your painting even more than the photo. Bravo!
And go for it again!
Love,
Barb
Barb,
Glad you like the painting and I will go for it again! I can’t emphasize enough the need to go out of our comfort zone for growth and empowerment. I believe it will keep us young, open-minded, curious and happy.
Lenora, I LOVE your painting of Cinque Terre! It is a wonderful thing! And to see you painting is joy!
Firing all those new synapses certainly is gladness…as is triumphing over the ego’s fear and saying YES to it all.
Katy,
Thanks. It was fulfilling and nerve-racking all at the same time.
Totally love your story Lenora. I hope that you can continue with more stories to come