HOW TO DO AN OPTION METHOD DIALOGUE WITH YOURSELF: THE CORE QUESTIONS
The first two things to find out are Feelings and the What (the situation).
Identify and Clarify.
FEELINGS
- Is there any way I’m feeling that I don’t like feeling? OR
- How am I feeling? OR
- What would I like to work on? OR
- How do I feel about that? (IF I’ve stated the problem—the“What”)
FEELINGS
- What am I (un-happy) about? (Always use your own words, i.e. sad, angry etc.)
- WHAT What about that involves feeling (un-happy)? OR
- What about that makes me feel (un-happy?) OR
- What about that is (angry-making, etc.)? Ask “What about that” 3 times
- What do I mean?
- What does that mean to me? OR
- Could I give an example? (If nothing specific is mentioned)
- Be clear on the WHAT before moving to the WHY.
FEELINGS: Why am I (un-happy) about that?
WHY (Use your exact feeling words)
- What do I mean?
- What might I be concerned would happen if I weren’t (un-happy)?
BELIEFS: Do I believe that?
- Why do I believe that? OR
- What seems true about that? OR
- Do I know if that’s true? How do I know it’s true?
- What might I be concerned would happen if I didn’t believe that? OR
- Can I think of any way it might be bad for me if that belief were gone?
CLARIFY: Can be asked anytime for clarification.
- What do I mean?
- What does that mean to me?
- Could I give an example?
MAIN POINTS:
- Accept yourself
- Use your feeling words.
- Ask questions based on the last thing you said, but follow thread also.
- Ask respectful questions with sustained, innocent curiosity.
DESIRE: What do I want (instead)? Is there any reason to believe I can’t have that?
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